Is it time to talk to your elderly loved one about being behind the wheel?

How do you know when it's time?

Driving for many people is a daily necessity. And as our loved ones get older, sometimes driving is a key element of remaining and feeling independent from their caregivers.

However, eventually, if they don't realize it themselves, there might be a moment where a caregiver needs to sit down and have a conversation about driving privileges.

If you answer yes to any of the following questions, you might need to talk about driving with your elderly loved on.

1. Does he or she get lost on routes that should be familiar? (ex. grocery store, gym, dentist, local park, etc)

2. Have you noticed new dents, scratches, or other damage to his or her vehicle?

3. Has he or she been warned by a police officer, about poor driving performance, or received a ticket for a driving violation?

4. Has he or she experienced a near miss or crash recently?

5. Has his or her doctor advised him or her to limit or stop driving due to a health reason?

6. Is he or she overwhelmed by signs, signals, road markings, and everything else he or she needs to focus on when driving?

7. Does he or she take any medication that might affect their capacity to drive safely?

8. Does he or she stop inappropriately and/or drive too slowly, preventing the safe flow of traffic?

9. Does he or she suffer from Alzheimer's disease, dementia, glaucoma, cataracts, Parkinson's disease, diabetes, or other illnesses that may affect his or her driving skills?

Based off those questions, do you think it's time to have that conversation?

Keep reading for tips on how to navigate the conversation with empathy and respect.

Navigating the Conversation

Driving is often tied to a sense of independence and freedom. Understand that giving it up can feel like a major loss. Below are 6 steps for how to approach the conversation with empathy and respect.

1. Recognize the emotional weight

   1. Driving represents independence. Approach the topic with empathy, not criticism. Don't bring up the conversation casually because this may be received as disrespectful.

2. Share concerns, not blame

   1. Use specific examples and avoid judgement. Start to gather a list of examples that concern you so that you can bring up specific examples during your conversation. This is helpful so that you can remind your loved one of these instances.

3. Ask, don't tell

   1. Frame the conversation around questions like, “Have you noticed any changes in how comfortable you feel behind the wheel?” or “Have you thought about how long you want to keep driving?” -- instead of making demands.

4. Listen Calmly

   1. Be open to their feelings, even if they’re defensive or upset.

5. Offer alternatives

   1. Come prepared with ideas for how they can still get around—rides from family, public transit, senior shuttles, or ride-sharing services. Show that losing the keys doesn’t mean losing independence.

6. Take your time

   1. This may need to be an ongoing conversation, not a one-time decision.

We understand this conversation isn't easy to do which is why were are hoping a list of actionable items will be helpful as you navigate this hard time. If you have more questions, reach out via our contact page and we'd be happy to provide more resources.

Source: ACL, Administration for Community Living, https://acl.gov/news-and-events/fact-sheets/publications-and-fact-sheets